


Four years in between

by JustcallmeStar



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, BAMF Kara Danvers, BAMF Women, Can you tell?, Canonical Character Death, Crime Fighting, F/F, I know nothing about the military, Military Background, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Respect Our Soldiers, Self-Defense, Suicidal Thoughts, This drags on a lot, Women in the Military, like a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustcallmeStar/pseuds/JustcallmeStar
Summary: Four years since Jeremiah's funeral where Alex decided Kara was more trouble than she was worth. Four years were Kara wished she could redo things, wish she hadn't been so stupid. Wished she hadn't killed her foster father, however inadvertently.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	Four years in between

There's four years they don't talk about.

Four years since Jeremiah's funeral where Alex decided Kara was more trouble than she was worth. Four years were Kara wished she could redo things, wish she hadn't been so stupid. Wished she hadn't killed her foster father, however inadvertently.

She had accepted it was her fault, even if Eliza said it wasn't. Especially when Alex glared at her, let her popular friends bully her. Kara never retaliated, she deserved it.

Four years since Alex said the Kara was dead to her, moved away and avoided all contact. Four years since Kara joined the military, having no sense of direction in her life. She didn't even do it for some honorable purpose, some need to protect. She did it because it was either that or wind up on the streets, despite her foster mothers offer to live with her.

She had needed something to live for, something to distract herself from the thoughts spiralling in her head, distract herself from the urge to simply end it all, to jump or cut or something similar.

She had fought that urge multiple times, deciding to simply throw herself into being a soldier so she did something worthwhile with her life.

It made sense in a way, death and destruction seemed to he attracted to her so maybe she could use that for some good. For a purpose. 

So she did.

She did it until the doctors told her that she couldn't anymore, told her to go home and get an education. To find her family and nurse herself back to health, to always take the medication so her leg didn't give out.

She bit her tongue as they talked, didn't bother mentioning that she didn't have a family, not really. Didn't tell them that this was her life, that her education had always been secondary to fighting through the pain just to he able to make it through another day.

But she didn't tell them that, just took her suit and medals that would never see the light of day again and accepted her honorable discharge, and went to the only place that had ever been close to a home for her.

Eliza cried. She insisted that Kara stay with her a few days, just so they could catch up. She didn't ask about her service, but did question what she was going to do next, and hovered around her injury. She has to use a cain for the first few weeks, and she despises the pitying or condescending looks. She doesn't need their sorry.

Eliza does question what happened to her leg on the third day and Kara can tell she's been wondering for a while. She tells as much of the truth as she can, as much as is legally allowed.

In battle in an undisclosed location, grenade went off, she covered her teammate. Shrapnel imbued in her right thigh, killed some of the nerve endings which ceased any feeling in the area. Had multiple surgeries, attended quite a bit of Physical Rehabilitation.

Is expected to have to continue rehabilitation for the foreseeable future, pain is expected to last for the foreseeable future, medication is prescribed. She doesn't tell anything other than her medical record, and even then she doesn't say everything because most of that time is now filed under 'Classified.'

She stays with Eliza for a while before buying an apartment with the Military Checks the older woman had refused to use. It's nice enough and she doesn't have to worry about gunshots in the middle of the night, but she still sleeps light and has recurring nightmares. She wonders if those will ever stop.

She signs up for some college courses and thinks that being a student at a decent college at 23 isn't that bad. There are a lot of people her age and none of them know of her service, so all she has to do is put a smile on her face and no one will question her.

She isn't happy, not quite, but a sense of contentment does settle in her stomach and it's enough for her. She has friends, classes, responsibilities, and it's enough to simply fall into them and pretend everything is all right.

If she pretends enough, maybe she'll start to believe it.

*******************************************************

Her leg is bothering her again. It's expected of course, but somehow she still isn't used to the pain. She has good days and bad days, but she hadn't thought to take her cain with her this morning and now she was regretting it.

Still, she preservers and continues walking the short distance to her apartment. Suddenly, she stops.

Someone is following her.

They're clearly trained, subtly watching her and following, but she's trained too. She crosses the street and heads in the wrong direction to her house, leg pain temporarily forgotten.

After a few moments, they cross the street too. She continues walking, acting none the wiser. She passes by a shop window of a clothing store, and sees a blurred reflection of figure trailing behind her, seemingly dressed in black. Still, she walks, passing into a dead end alley and silently slips behind the building, waiting.

Sure enough, 12 seconds later, the figure walks down the alley, footsteps momentarily stopping in surprise at the lack of a person.

The figure tells her it's a woman, unarmed. She lunges forward, pressing her forearm against the womans throat and shoving her against the brick wall before she has time to react.

"Why are you following me?" The question easily slips from her mouth even as the woman struggles, Kara easily holding her in place.

She gets a good look at her face now, sharp jawline, red hair-

Oh god.

"Alex?" She immediately steps back as if she's been burned, pressing herself as far away as possible. Her leg is screaming in protest, but her heart is burning more painfully than any wound. She can't breath.

Alex rubs her throat, gasping slightly. She hadn't been expecting that. "Jesus Kar, where'd you learn that?"  
Much resembling a fish, Kara just gapes and says nothing. 

She hasn't imagined this before. And she has imagined running into Alex before, many times, with many different outcomes. She though Alex would maybe punch her, or hug her, and in some of her dreams, kiss her. (Though that one has always just been wishful thinking.)

"Well, maybe you shouldn't follow people into alleyways." She fires back, mouth moving before her head can. Alex smiles.

It makes her heart speed up and her palms sweat, and she feels like a 15 year old again. It's ridiculous really, she seen and done horrifying things yet this makes her nervous.

Her and Alex slip back into place like they never left, like there was never anytime spent apart. She finds out Alex is working for the FBI now, still a junior agent. She tells Alex that she's attending college for an undetermined career. 

She mentions nothing about her military time.

Alex mentions nothing about her time away, either.

It's an unspoken agreement that anything in that time period isn't talked about, and they make it work. They're best friends again, spending every free moment together they can. For the first time in a long time Kara actually feels like she can be happy, can smile and laugh.

And like always, they make it work.

*******************************************************

She supposes that it was going to come up eventually. It was three years of her life, she can't just pretend it never happened. Besides, she thinks Alex has suspicions anyway, the older woman tries not to notice when she limps. Or when she flinches at sudden noises. Or the one time that a car alarm had gone off and Kara had immediate covered Alex's body with her own, teeth clinched and eyes closed.

They don't talk about it.

But then Kara gets a call at three in the damn morning, and on one of her nightmare absent nights. They're rare, and she's understandably grumpy when a very drunk Alex asks her to pick her up. 

She's half tempted to just hang up and go back to sleep, but it's Alex and she couldn't do that to her. 

She might do it to anyone else, though. 

Grumbling, she gets dressed and walks the 10 minute walk, wondering if she'll have to call a taxi. It depends on how drunk Alex is, she may be strong but she doesn't have the mental capacity to carry her the whole way.

Drunk Alex is a talker, and there are some things they just don't talk about.

Like the night Kara ran away, the night Jeremiah died. Or the night Alex left, or any of the time in between.

Talking about it could ruin their friendship, and Kara doesn't think she'd be able to survive that. Having Alex back, just to lose her again. She doesn't have a war to turn to anymore.

When she realizes she's at the hole-in-the-wall bar, she immediately starts looking for Alex. She really doesn't want to go inside, she's wearing ripped jeans a black tank-top and a leather overcoat. She's bound to attract attention.

Luckily she doesn't have to, Alex is leaning against the side of the brick building unsteadily. She walks over to Alex, footsteps silent. She doesn't mean to, it's just habit, but Alex still jumps when she puts a hand on her shoulder.

She smiles when she sees Kara though, lopsided and lazy. It makes the blondes chest warm, despite the chilly temperatures.

Speaking of chilly temperatures, Alex isn't wearing any kind of coat, just a thin shirt as she shivers slightly. It makes her frown as she removes her own coat and wraps it over Alex's shoulders, helping her push her arms into the sleeves. Kara's shoulders are more broad than Alex's and it dwarves her slightly, but she still smiles gratefully.

They say nothing as Kara leads them forward, one arm wrapped around her shoulders for balance. They don't need to, but it surprises Kara that Alex isn't chatting her head off. She must not he very drunk. 

When Kara starts to lead them onto the street, Alex stops her. "The alley way is quicker, we should go there." Kara doesn't bother mentioning that it's the opposite direction to Alex's house. 

"It's like three in the morning. The street is safer, Alex."  
Alex just sighs, like an exasperated teenager. "I've gone down it like a hundred times, nothing is gonna happen. Trust me."

Kara sighs, but she knows Alex is just as stubborn as she is. It's better to just get back as quick as possible instead of arguing about which direction to take.

"Fine." She grumbles. Alex's victorious smile makes her feel better, though. 

That doesn't last long.

Turns out the alley was a bad idea. A very bad idea, if the two men there are any indication. Or the cheap pocket knives in their hands.

"It's simple." One of them says. He's obviously the leader, and the apprehension on the other ones face says he was probably talked into this.

"Just give us your money, and we'll let you go."

Kara barely hears it. Her mind switched off, the only viable part of her screaming to protect Alex. She's running through scenarios, different ways to take them down without Alex getting harmed.

It's clear that the weapons are their only defense, their stance says they have absolutely no idea how to actually fight someone, and their clothes are worn and ragged, torn in different areas. They don't have anything to lose, and that's what makes them dangerous.

Protect Alex.

She pushes the redhead backwards, knowing she'd lose her balance due to her inebriated state. Sure enough Alex falls on her butt, a surprised yelp escaping her lips. Kara reacts.

She flies towards the leader, ducking down when his arm swipes forward and rising again to grab his forearm, knife pointed towards his own chest. Her other hand grabs his wrist, twisting it until she hears a snap. The knife clatters against the ground, followed by his pained scream.

Protect Alex.

The hand that just broke his wrist grabs the side of his head, shoving him to side of the wall with a crack. He slumps down, falling against the alley floor. She takes a moment to asses. He's not dead, but he will have a hell of a headache.

Protect Alex.

She looks toward the other man, sees his wide and terrified eyes. His hands are shaking and his breathing is ragged. For a moment he stares, contemplating, but he decides it's not worth it and runs away as quick as he can.

She can hear Alex standing up behind her, and slowly turns around. Now that she's in her right mind, she's terrified Alex will be scared of her, will leave. Even if Alex does, finally sees the monster she is, Kara doesn't regret it.

She'll never regret protecting Alex.

Alex stalks towards her, quick and determined, and her eyes are wild. Kara gets the overwhelming urge to step away, to run just as the man had.

She doesn't, she stands her ground like a soldier.

Her hands reach Kara first, gripping her bare shoulders and digging her nails into the muscle.

Her lips reach her next, pressing insistently against hers, rough and quick. 

She pulls away before Kara can react, worriedly running her hands up and down her sides, her arms, anything she can reach. 

"Oh my god- Are you okay? I just saw you attack and I didn't know what was going on and-"

"Alex-

"His head just smacked against the wall-"

"Alex-"

"I didn't know you could do that but you made it look really easy-"

When it appears the ramble is only just beginning, she leans forward just as Alex had, pressing their lips together again. She only meant for a peck, just enough to distract her momentarily, but Alex immediately leans in when she tries to pull away, hands travelling up into her hair and holding her there.

Kara doesn't mind. Her own hands move to Alex's waist, holding her gently. She isn't sure why this is happening, but she isn't gonna complain. She's only been imagining this for like, a decade.

Alex breaks away first. "This is great and all, but maybe we should leave the alley where you just knocked a guy out."

Kara nods dumbly. Her mind is rather dazed, and she feels light headed. Maybe it's from lack of oxygen. They don't say anything on the way back to Kara's apartment, but Alex does grab her hand at some point and lace their fingers together. It feels nice, Kara thinks.

The first thing Alex does after entering the apartment and taking her coat off (Kara's coat, really, but now she'll always consider it Alex's) is grab a blanket, forcing Kara to sit on the couch and wrapping it around her snugly.

"I'm fine, really." She tries to insist, but Alex is having none of it. "Kara, you just walked 10 minutes in 20 degree weather in a tank top and ripped jeans. Shut up and take the blanket."

"I've had worse." She mumbles, thinking about the cold winds whipping through her skin as fast as the bullets whizzing around her. It tore through her skin, but the screaming did more damage than anything that day.

Alex sits down beside her, gently taking her hand. She hesitates for a second, but once the words start spilling from her mouth she can't seem to stop them.

"Kara, I'm sorry-don't interrupt, I need to say this and you need to hear this." She says sternly, before Kara can object. "When Dad died, I felt a of emotions. Bad emotions. It was ugly and hard, and I wanted someone to blame." Her eyes tear up, looking not quite meeting Kara's.

"And I blamed you. I should've, you didn't deserve it. God, everything just felt like it was pointless and I held on to that anger, because I wanted to feel something. I didn't want to be numb." Her hand swipes at her cheeks, and Kara still says nothing. "I left because I thought maybe it would be easier if wasn't around you, because I knew you were hurting too and I couldn't do anything about it. Only it didn't help, everything just got worse. I started drinking a lot, and I hit a really hard place."

Kara holds her hand a little tighter, grounding her. She knows how that feels, desperately trying anything to ease the pain. Drugs, sex, alcohol, she had just wanted it to stop. She understands.

"At some point I realized I needed to stop or I was going to end up hurting myself, or someone else. So took a few days and just thought, thought about everything and anything." She scoots a little closer to Kara, seeking her strength. "And I realized that it wasn't your fault, I mean you didn't have control over his car swerving off the road. You didn't have control of the doctors, or the nurses, or anything."

She still doesn't speak, but a wave of guilt crashes over her. She did have control of herself, had control of her stupid idea to run away. If she hadn't been so selfish Jeremiah wouldn't have been on the road anyway. He never would have crashed, never would've died. 

Alex continues speaking.

"So I came home to try to explain everything to you, to apologize. To maybe be your friend again. Only you weren't there. Mom was the only one who knew where you were, and she wouldn't tell me, said it was your decision to leave. So I looked for you. I looked for you everywhere, searched arrest records, properties, and I didn't find anything until about three years."

Kara wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulls her in closer so they can both snuggle under the blanket. She's pretty sure she knows what Alex found.

"It was a-uh a medical record. It was pretty broad because of your military status and it didn't go into detail, but I knew it was you and I knew you weren't gonna be able to go back. I felt really bad because you were hurt, but I was relieved."

Kara chuckles. "I can understand that actually. At that point, war was all I knew. I think I needed to get out, even if I didn't realize it."

Alex nods faintly against her shoulder. "I followed you down the street because I didn't know how to talk to you, and I think you know the rest."

"You mean the chasing me into an alley thing?" She says playfully, lightening the somber mood. Alex smacks her shoulder lightly. "Shut up. It wasn't like that." Kara laughs, pressing a kiss on the older womans forehead.

"I joined because I didn't see another option. I didn't have the motivation to continue school and I couldn't just live with Eliza for the rest of my life. When I joined I realized how distracting it was, how I didn't have to think about anything other than my mission. When I got hurt I only went to school because I didn't really know what else to do. I just kind of floated around, half dead. And then I got chased into an alley by a physco."

Alex laughs again, teary and choked. "Could you stop saying it like that?" Kara shakes her head.

"Never."

*******************************************************

They fall into a relationship as easy as they had a friendship, fitting each other in all the right ways. They have fights sometimes, but they never forget that they love each other. That no matter what, they'll make it through.

They talk about the four missing years now, accept that they can't change the past and that they made it out together. 

Everyone tells them that they're disgusting together, and they just laugh. Even Eliza had understood the new change in their relationship. 

Eventually.

They don't keep secrets, make sure they're always communicating. It was hard, and rough, but everything falls into place and they're both happy.

It's funny, Kara often says, how simple it is. How everything can lead up to a future, how everything can be worth it to find where you belong.

Home isn't always a house.

Sometimes, it's a person.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. This felt like it was way longer than it needed to be.


End file.
